Been Away

I have been away for awhile because I had surgery on my shoulder.  I am right-handed and had surgery on my right shoulder making it difficult to do most things, including my hair.

I am glad that I decided to get my hair braided prior to my surgery, it definitely was the best decision.  While I am no longer required to wear a sling, my scapula (muscle near shoulder blade) is very weak and I can't get my arm all the way up to my head.  And unfortunately, my family is not the best at putting my hair up.  I hate to think what I would look like if I left my curls out and had to have them help me wash it. OMG! lol

For any natural that may be having a similar procedure, or even a procedure where you will be out of commission for awhile, I highly recommend getting your hair braided.  The flexibility and ease; especially with weekly physical therapy has made my recover less cumbersome.  Last year I had hernia surgery and braided my hair as well.  As I spent a great deal of time preparing, this was by far the best thing I could have done.

I do miss my curls but I just see it as giving my hair a little vacation!!!  I do still wash and condition my hair but I never would have been able to do a braid-out with one hand~!!!

Transitioning

Transitioning

I transitioned without really understanding what it was.  All I knew was I was tired of relaxing my hair every six weeks!  I hate the smell and while my hair was ‘silky’ it was blah.  More and more I started to envy women that I thought had ‘good hair’ with their beautiful curls or waves; never realizing the beauty of my own hair. I wanted the big, beautiful hair. 

So not knowing that I was ‘transitioning’ (because I did not know all of the lingo of natural hair), I just stopped relaxing my hair and kept flat ironing it.  I researched the internet about none relaxer methods to straighten my hair.  I came across Diva Smooth.  I liked it and loved that I didn’t need to use chemicals to straighten my hair. 

                                                                 

I will not repeat the rest of my story but just wanted to share to other women that may be considering transitioning from relaxed to natural.  I wanted to give some tips that I learned the hard way.

1)      Patience – Patience is a must!  Whether you decide to transition for a long time or do the Big Chop (BC) after a short period, you must have patience.  Many of us have never dealt with our hair in its natural state.  For this reason, it is imperative that you be patient in learning what you hair likes, what works, what doesn’t work.  Also the stage that you are at.  Hair, all hair does different things at different lengths, natural hair is no different.

For some reason, we seem to be harder on our natural hair.  We want it to behave quick, fast and in a hurry!  It won’t work.  So instead of a lot of headaches, take your time to learn your natural hair.

2)      You can’t always have what you see! – There are so many blogs out here and YouTube videos with how to videos.  Someone with a similar hair type describes how they achieved a certain style.  That’s nice but it may not be for you.  Everything just doesn’t work for everybody.  Dee and I learned this the hard way and were frustrated because we could not achieve the same style.  Some things just don’t work for every head.

3)      Product Junkism – Don’t do it!  Every week there is a new ‘natural’ product that comes out.  It seems the new money maker.  You will waste so much money trying every product.  Try one product, if it doesn’t work as good as you may like, don’t let it go to waste.  You can find someone else that it may work for.  I’m fortunate in that I have my daughter and Dee.  Find a friend that is natural or some of the forums people do swap.  If you do find a product you like, stick with it.  I have tried so many products and finally went back to what worked.  My regimen is very simple and it works.  I don’t change up every time a new product comes out (any more, lol).

4)      Do what works!  - Keep it simple and do what you like.  Don’t give in to what others have to say.  It took me a long time to get comfortable with wearing styles that weren’t conventional.  When I say conventional, when I stopped flat-ironing my hair I wore styles that were either a roller set or flat twisting the front and twist-n-curling the back so no one really knew my hair was natural.  Now, I wear it big and proud!  I love my big hair and others do too!

5)      It is a process – Never forget that it is a process.  Your hair will not be how you want it for a while but it is worth it. It is definitely a challenge dealing with two different textures but if you keep your hair moisturized you should be okay.  Styles like I described in #4 can be used to ‘hide’ the different textures.  Flat-ironing or braids are other options if you don’t want to deal with you hair too much.  But whatever you do remember it takes time.  I’m only two years in but my hair is so different than when I first started.  But I am glad for the process as it gave me the time to know my hair.  Love, love, love it!

Stay the course and don’t give up, it will be worth it!

HIH - Oh my!

                                                                       source:istockphoto

Ok – umm, I have a severe and chronic case of HIH (hand in hair) syndrome.  I have my hand in my hair when I am working, on the phone, talking, driving, whatever.  It’s like I can’t stop!  I need to stop.  I want to stop.  But. I. Can’t.

It gives me a serious case of the frizzies.  My hair is basically straight in the areas that I touch throughout the day.  Why?  Because I pull out the curls with my fingers.  The funny thing is, I do it with my left hand so the whole left side of my head is frizzed up by the time I get home.  Can you imagine?  Straight frizzed-up poofiness on the left and nicely defined curls on the right? My commute home is usually about 75 minutes, so sometimes I look a hot mess when I get home in the evenings.  This fact does not help with my husband embracing my natural look (which is a story for another day).

Mind you, as I type this post, I realize my hand is in my hair…

Ughh!!!

Dee's Hair Regimen

Ok – so I know I haven’t done a post in a while.  I’ve been thinking about it, but procrastinating. I think I was a bit frustrated with my hair regimen and wanted to figure it out before posting.  I still haven’t figured it out, but I just decided to try something new and post anyway.

Hair Regimen –

Pre poo  and detangle on Friday night or Saturday morning (using old conditioner and olive oil).  I usually will pre-poo overnight or all day depending on when I start the process.  Then I wash and deep condition with Shea Moisture shampoo and deep conditioner. 

I have used various leave-in conditioners  but I like Shea Moisture and Knot Today. I divide my hair into six sections to detangle and moisturize.  Then I clip them up and begin small two-strand twists using KK Curly Pudding or Shea Moisture Curly Smoothie. 

Lately, I’ve been leaving my twists in for a few days and doing a twist out for the other half of the week.  This method has even allowed me to get the elusive second day hair.  (FYI- I thought this was a myth or conspiracy cooked up by other naturals!!!)

Braid-Out

Best Braid-out yet!

Okay, so this post is really for my mother.  She has been supportive since I started my natural journey and she absolutely loves this photo.  I must admit that I love it too!  This is definitely my best braid-out yet!  I only did about 12 braids (6 on each side) but I did do it on semi-wet hair.  I did do a henna gloss earlier in the day.  My hair was soft and had great body. 

Love ya ma!

Kee

Madame Fifi

So about a month ago, a co-worker of mine slyly called me 'Madame Fifi'.  At first I was just taken aback but then I told Dee about the conversation and she was in shock.  "How dare she," Dee replied.  I absolutely love my big hair!  It is gorgeous and I get so many compliments about it.  People that I don't even know compliment my hair.  I am not a shy person and really don't like confrontation but once again today this co-worker, who by the way has unhealthy hair, called me Madame Fifi.  This is definitely a knock, a dig and refers to a dog!!!! What the ??????

How would you handle this situation?  Would you confront them or let it ride????

Kee

2 Heads!

I'm sure many of you have dealt with your hair not coming out quite like you wanted.  Either the back is nice and the front is eh, or the opposite, or just not quite right.  While I have known for a while that i had two different textures, it was not until recently that I realized I need to style my hair in two different styles.

If you think about it, it really does make sense.   Many of us have talked about embracing our hair as it grows out of our heads but we still try to 'conform' our hair to something it's not.  For instance, on many blogs I see beautiful sistas with wash-n-gos or shingled hair.  I love, love, love this look but it does not work for me.  Even with women that have 4a/b/c hair and have success with these styles, it does not work (look the way) I want.

It has taken me a while but I have really learned my hair and the 2 different heads I have.  My front is 4a/b.  It almost seems to fight a curl at times!  Dee and I both call it the wavy, when there is this straight piece of hair in the front just 'waving' at everybody that passes by.  In the back, there are these tight beautiful curls and coils.  I love the back of my hair but couldn't always enhance these fabulous curls. 

I would do Bantu knots that I love but the top and front would straighten out over the course of the day.  About a month ago, I started doing twist-outs.  It had to grow on me but once I got my technique down, I loved the results!  My hair was big and fierce but I didn't really like the back.  My hair is in a middle stage and doesn't hang the way I would like, even though my hair has grown just beyond my shoulder.

Then a couple weeks ago  I had a thought.  Why not combine the 2 styles I love.  So I did Bantu knots on the back 1/4 of my head and braided the rest.  It looked crazy at bed time but the results were perfect!  OMG!  Why had I not thought of this before?  Why did none of the blogs I frequented ever say try this??? 
Doing this actual gave shape to my hair and it was great.

So to all the ladies out there struggling to get that staple style to do right all over your head, try splitting your head where your textures change and use a different style.  Embrace your 2 heads!!!

Kee

Kee's Hair Story

I remember wearing my afro puffs as a child, growing up in Albuquerque, New Mexico (It like in the Bugs Bunny cartoon) lol.  My classmates always wanted to touch my hair.  They called me names like Mickey Mouse.  I usually ignored their taunts but it was hard being different. 

                                      My bestie and me with my Afro Puffs

I dreaded the sessions of torture from my mother.  The hard plastic comb and blue hair grease, the pulling of my hair as she tried to part and comb my hair.  The crying as my mom pulled my hair.  Depending on what day of the week, I could have several plaits in my hair or two nice, full afro puffs.  These sessions would stay stuck in my head for years to come.   When I became pregnant with my daughter, I dreaded the thought of having to do her hair and torture her with the same painful ‘tradition’.

When I was about eight years old, my mom did a ‘kiddie perm’.  I remember tears and screams of pain for the new ‘manageability’ of my hair.  I will never forget how excited I was when my hair was done, going outside to ride my bike with my friends and my hair blowing in the wind.  I felt like a new child.  I felt like the other girls in the neighborhood and school that always had their hair blowing everywhere.

It didn’t last long. My mom didn’t think little girls should have their hair out.  So my plaits came back after the weekend.  The other kids would pull my hair in class and tug at it on the playground.  My mother would be furious if I got dirt in it as it would then require an unscheduled wash session.  While it was easier to comb, I don’t think either of us liked the ‘kiddie perm’ process.

By the time I entered middle school, my parents were divorced and I chose to live with my father.  With this came the responsibility of doing my hair.  My dad definitely didn’t know anything about hair so he usually sent me to the hair dresser.  My hair was pressed about once a month.  I remember staying with my sleepovers at my Caucasian girlfriend’s houses, they always asked why I didn’t was my hair in the shower.  It was annoying trying to figure out what to say.  Trying to tell them that water was not my friend.

My beautician, as they were called back then, was ‘Mrs. F’ and boy oh boy, she would burn my head up!  She loved to talk while she worked and told me I moved too much.  She never thought I was moving because of the HEAT on my head.  She didn’t recognize the sizzle of my head as a problem to keeping still.  She was so nice but didn’t realize the pain my father paid her to inflict on me on a monthly basis.  I remember my pink foam rollers, and rolling my hair at night.  Sleepovers with my Girl Scout troop were not so much fun, having to roll my hair while everyone else just went to bed.

Then with my Caucasian friends, they influenced me to beg my father for a curling iron.  “It’s easier than those rolls you use.”  And of course, what did my father know, I asked he bought.  What a delight, I thought.  I could go to sleep without anything on my head like my friends.  It was a mess.  My ears or forehead always hade scabs from me burning myself!  It was bad enough my father paid someone to do this, now I was voluntarily doing it to myself.

                                         Halloween - Curling iron hair!  Ugh!

By my freshman year of high school, my father had found a new hair stylist for me.  He was new and from California.  He immediately turned me on to relaxers.  I was hooked.  I could now do almost everything my friends could and life was grand!  I cut my hair like Salt-n-Pepa and thought I was the bomb!  I was envied by these white friends as my hair could do so much more than their straight tresses.  Even though my hair was considered versatile, I didn’t do much to it.  I went to my hair ‘stylist’ every two weeks and got a style.

When I went to college in New Orleans, I started doing my own perms; at first no one had money to get their hair done.  So one day I went to Walgreens and bought my first box perm.  I would regularly over process my hair, as well as the hair of my dorm mates.  Soon this became a side hustle along with doing ‘acrylic nails’, typing papers and shuttling folks to the airport.  While my pockets stayed fat I really had no idea what I was doing.  Every now and then I would use that money actually go to the hair salon.  Usually in a rake style (that’s what we called it in N.O.), short in the front, combed with a rake comb and long in the back.

My sophomore year I wanted a change and cut all my hair off like Jada Pinkett at the end of Set It Off.    It was fly and liberating!  Everyone on campus was shocked as my hair was shoulder length and many of the girls were dying for long hair.  My boyfriend at the time was horrified.  I could now use his boar hair brush it keep my waves and he hated it.

My philosophy always has been it will grow back!  I then began with my ‘power to the people’ movement.  I got braids and wore every Malcolm X shirt I could find.  I frequented the Reggae clubs and loved the wild styles I wore.   I loved being different than the norm.  Very few people on campus wore braids.

Then when I got a full-time job I wore my hair in a wrap.  I had a great stylist that charge $25 for a wash and wrap.  I couldn’t beat that and got my hair done every week, like clockwork.    It was easy.  Wrap at night and unwrap in the morning. 

 A few years later when I had my daughter and moved to DC the prices were too high for me to get my hair done on a regular, being a single parent.   Every year, year after year, I continued with the ‘white crack’.  Occasionally, I would braid my hair ‘to give it a break’.  I loved not having to do something to my hair.  Even more, I loved how strong my hair and how much my hair would grow.  It wasn’t considered too wild as I usually wore my braids in a bun at work and would only take them down when I left.

Hair in braids - transitioning

When I did find a stylist that was too expensive and near my house, I continued to get my hair done.  By this point, my daughter now needed styles that didn’t include braids or barrettes.  Paying for one head on a regular basis was a stretch, now I had to pay for two.  I didn’t want my daughter to get a perm.  I was dead set against it.  So my stylist simply flat ironed it.  Her hair continued to grow and was beautiful and so was mine.  However, I could not continue to go on a regular basis.

To extend my visits to my hair dresser, I flat-ironed my hair to be halfway decent.   I had hair everywhere but to the outside world it looked healthy.  I got married and continued my routine.  If I went too long my husband would ask, “When you gonna get your hair done?”  A few years after we got married, we bought a house.  I loved my larger bathroom but my husband continued to fuss about my hair falling all over the place.  Two years ago, I decided I couldn’t take it.  I didn’t want another relaxer.  I was trying to change habits in my life to live healthier.  Ten years earlier a friend of mine had stop relaxing her hair because of the chemicals.  At that time I told her she was crazy and I would NEVER stop relaxing, yet here I was looking for anything else to do without relaxing my hair.

It was crazy!  I began searching the Internet for ways to straighten my hair without relaxing it.  I came across Diva Smooth.  While it required me to use heat (flat-iron) to initially straighten my hair, it was better than the smell of the creamy crack!  I loved it!  My hair came out so nice and no chemicals!  Everyone at work complimented on how nice my hair was at how they were surprised I didn’t relax it anymore.  I thought I had found my answer.  For almost a year, I continued this process.

Hair using Diva Smooth

Then, I went to see my mother in New Orleans, my hair blew up like a big, black cotton ball and I had no idea what to do with it!  I called Dee and we had a chuckle about the humidity of the Deep South!  She made me feel so much better because I was getting ready to go get the creamy crack and be done with it.  Never mind the fact of my aunt keep asking me, “Uh, Kee, what ya gonna do?  You need some help?  That’s a lot of hair baby….” 

I love my aunt but I wanted to scream!  I got out my flat iron and went to work.  My family was in shock at how straight I got it but the moment I stepped outside my 2 hours of work went out the window.  I told my mom just to stop at a store.  I ran in and found a nice scarf and wrapped my head.  Unfortunately I was home for the passing of my stepfather and I could not wear this scarf to the funeral and I knew of few options with my new ‘untamed and non-straight’ hair.  I just did a French roll with a lot of gel.

After this fiasco, I was determined to wear my hair curly.  I couldn’t take straightening it and wondering if the weather was gonna work with it.  I realized that I was still trying to make my hair be something it wasn’t.  When I got home, I spent 2 days straight on the internet researching natural hair and how to style it.  I was mesmerized by the women that I saw.  They were confident and rocking fly, fly hair!  I was hooked.  I found Curly Nikki and it was like finding gold!

I told my family that I was going to stop straightening my hair and my husband and daughter were both supportive.  But I was not yet confident with what I was gonna do for work.  For the first few months I would flat-twist the front and flexi-rod the back.  I gradually started to do twist-outs.  The looks from some of my co-workers was interesting to say the least.

Since I began my curly phase, my daughter, cousin and godmother have all transitioned to natural!  It has been a blessing to help them and encourage them on their journeys!  My daughter’s hair is gorgeous, as she just recently cut off her relaxed ends. 

I’m now so much more confident with my hair!  Last weekend I actually wore a huge ‘fro to my goddaughter’s birthday and received many compliments.   I am finally loving my hair and proud of it!

Dee's Hair Story

Some of my earliest memories are of me getting my hair combed or straightened by my mom.  Growing up in the heat of the south, it was normal to get your hair “done” on a weekly basis.  When I was very young, I rocked the requisite one or two puffs.  Then I graduated to actual ponytails; three to six depending on how much time my mom had.  When I was about seven or eight, I moved from my mom doing my hair, to going to the hair salon to get it done.  I really thought I was a big girl then!

I remember wanting a Jheri Curl so bad!  My brother got one, why couldn’t I?  I threw a fit!  Looking back, I probably would have eventually got one, had I not thrown the fit. Anyway, it didn’t happen. I was old enough for one or two ponytails then. The only time I had my hair down was on Easter; Shirley temples with the barrettes to match my dress.  I was at the hair salon for hours the Saturday before Easter.  I couldn’t play or do anything cause that would make my curls droop.  Those Shirley temples also had to last for at least a week.

The summer before going to junior high (seventh grade back in the day) I was so happy my mom was finally allowing me to get a perm.  Everybody else had one, only one other girl did not (but her parents were strict so she didn’t count).  I also was going to wear my hair in a style. Woo-hoo!!!! I thought I was really grown then!  Of course, there were not many styles to choose from, so I had a regular bob, with a part on the side.  Mind you, we didn’t call it a bob back then.  It was just rolled under. 

So through junior high and then high school, I had my share of hair-do’s and some hair-don’ts. I did the finger waves, French roll, page boy, rods, bob with center part, bob with side part, crimping iron, waving iron.  You name, I had it. My favorite of course was the asymmetrical.  I was soooo like Salt –n-Peppa, minus the color.  I wasn’t that grown!

I had my fair share of hair envy.  It was never long enough, straight enough, curly enough, whatever enough... depending on how I was feeling at the time.  When I went to college, it was on to more heat and humidity.  I went to a well-known HBCU and the business school did not like or endorse any kind of braids, twists or dreads.  But, this is when I embraced braids!!! I loved them.  I didn’t have to do my hair for months at a time.  Girls all over campus set up shop in their dorm rooms to earn extra cash.  I got my hair braided every two months.  It was bliss…

Where I grew up and went to college, the older black people were very conservative.  Girls (good girls, smart girls) had to have a perm or at least pressed hair; the longer and straighter, the better.  You could have a curl, but that was pushing it.  It was like you were taken more seriously, or you were considered more beautiful.  Maybe it was just the norm, and people did not want you (if you were trying to get somewhere) to operate outside the norm. 

I am a chocolate girl, and I made my peace with my rich, milk chocolate color a long time ago, but my hair is a different story. Even though I went to an HBCU, my braids were not readily accepted by my professors or other older black people off campus.  I would get the look, like “what is going on with her hair?!?” At first I thought I was imagining it, but when I went home on breaks my family would give me the same look.  My grandmother (God love her!) was the only one to actually say something.  She told me I looked like I just got off the boat.  OK… I knew it would take some time for people to get used to it, but “just got off the boat!?!” One of my professors even told me that it was ok to wear my hair in braids on campus, but recommended that I tone it down for my internship interviews. 

I continued to have all kinds of styles: pixies, more bobs, more braids…  I eventually wore regular cuts for internships and part time jobs.  When I finally graduated college and moved back to my hometown, I reluctantly got a “regular” hair style.  I had to get a job and it was unheard of for someone in my industry to look less than “acceptable.”

Fast forward to now…

Now I am in my mid-thirties, married with a seven year old son.  I am a professional at a commercial real estate firm in DC.  I’ve had two big chops and currently wearing my hair natural; twist-outs for the last year. When I say it has been a big transition, believe me…

It took time for me to get past my own insecurities and prejudices to embrace my hair. Nine years ago, my hair started thinning at the top of my head.  My hair stylist recommended a break from the relaxers.  I cut my hair and got braids.  By this time, braids weren’t that big a deal.  Off and on, I braided my hair and it got stronger and grew back.  What did I do then?  Went right back to relaxing…

Five years ago, the same thing happened again. This time my stylist (different from the last one) recommended that I stop relaxing my hair for good. I cut my hair and started with braids.  Once it started growing out, I would get my hair pressed or flat-ironed.  I love my hair straight and a bob is classic.  Well, eventually it started thinning again in the same spot.  Not a relaxer this time… maybe hormones or stress?  I went to the doctor and they couldn’t tell me anything other than stop putting heat on it. 

So I finally went to the internet and low and behold there were blogs, You-Tube videos and websites dedicated to black hair in its natural state.  Given what my options were (braids, wig, weave or natural), I opted to move forward with exploring my natural hair.  

I felt like I was getting too old for braids.  I did wear a wig for a while, but I actually grew to love my natural hair.  My husband and son however hated it!  My son said my hair looked crazy and my husband thought I was going through some kind of mid-life crisis.  He just wanted me to get a weave and be through with it.  He would give me the look like “what is going on with your hair?”  He actually said just that a few times.  Each time, I explained the issues and my options. He would respond with “can’t you  just go get it done?”

Admittedly, I have had my share of bad hair days over the last year, but sometimes you just have to roll with it.  I got to the point, that I kept a whole emergency stash of products and clips and headbands in my purse.  Sadly, my husband mostly saw me at the end of the day, after my hour and a half drive home when my hands have been all through my head.  So, yes my hair was frizzy and all over the place. 

Now, my hair has grown out some and I’ve found what works for me. I’ve got my products, my style and my routine. I still have my share of bad hair days, but usually I can pin it up or pull it back so it is not too bad. Most importantly, I’ve finally gotten to the point that I love my hair and it has been a long journey.