I remember wanting a Jheri Curl so bad! My brother got one, why couldn’t I? I threw a fit! Looking back, I probably would have eventually got one, had I not thrown the fit. Anyway, it didn’t happen. I was old enough for one or two ponytails then. The only time I had my hair down was on Easter; Shirley temples with the barrettes to match my dress. I was at the hair salon for hours the Saturday before Easter. I couldn’t play or do anything cause that would make my curls droop. Those Shirley temples also had to last for at least a week.
The summer before going to junior high (seventh grade back in the day) I was so happy my mom was finally allowing me to get a perm. Everybody else had one, only one other girl did not (but her parents were strict so she didn’t count). I also was going to wear my hair in a style. Woo-hoo!!!! I thought I was really grown then! Of course, there were not many styles to choose from, so I had a regular bob, with a part on the side. Mind you, we didn’t call it a bob back then. It was just rolled under.
So through junior high and then high school, I had my share of hair-do’s and some hair-don’ts. I did the finger waves, French roll, page boy, rods, bob with center part, bob with side part, crimping iron, waving iron. You name, I had it. My favorite of course was the asymmetrical. I was soooo like Salt –n-Peppa, minus the color. I wasn’t that grown!
I had my fair share of hair envy. It was never long enough, straight enough, curly enough, whatever enough... depending on how I was feeling at the time. When I went to college, it was on to more heat and humidity. I went to a well-known HBCU and the business school did not like or endorse any kind of braids, twists or dreads. But, this is when I embraced braids!!! I loved them. I didn’t have to do my hair for months at a time. Girls all over campus set up shop in their dorm rooms to earn extra cash. I got my hair braided every two months. It was bliss…
Where I grew up and went to college, the older black people were very conservative. Girls (good girls, smart girls) had to have a perm or at least pressed hair; the longer and straighter, the better. You could have a curl, but that was pushing it. It was like you were taken more seriously, or you were considered more beautiful. Maybe it was just the norm, and people did not want you (if you were trying to get somewhere) to operate outside the norm.
I am a chocolate girl, and I made my peace with my rich, milk chocolate color a long time ago, but my hair is a different story. Even though I went to an HBCU, my braids were not readily accepted by my professors or other older black people off campus. I would get the look, like “what is going on with her hair?!?” At first I thought I was imagining it, but when I went home on breaks my family would give me the same look. My grandmother (God love her!) was the only one to actually say something. She told me I looked like I just got off the boat. OK… I knew it would take some time for people to get used to it, but “just got off the boat!?!” One of my professors even told me that it was ok to wear my hair in braids on campus, but recommended that I tone it down for my internship interviews.
I continued to have all kinds of styles: pixies, more bobs, more braids… I eventually wore regular cuts for internships and part time jobs. When I finally graduated college and moved back to my hometown, I reluctantly got a “regular” hair style. I had to get a job and it was unheard of for someone in my industry to look less than “acceptable.”
Fast forward to now…
Now I am in my mid-thirties, married with a seven year old son. I am a professional at a commercial real estate firm in DC. I’ve had two big chops and currently wearing my hair natural; twist-outs for the last year. When I say it has been a big transition, believe me…
It took time for me to get past my own insecurities and prejudices to embrace my hair. Nine years ago, my hair started thinning at the top of my head. My hair stylist recommended a break from the relaxers. I cut my hair and got braids. By this time, braids weren’t that big a deal. Off and on, I braided my hair and it got stronger and grew back. What did I do then? Went right back to relaxing…
Five years ago, the same thing happened again. This time my stylist (different from the last one) recommended that I stop relaxing my hair for good. I cut my hair and started with braids. Once it started growing out, I would get my hair pressed or flat-ironed. I love my hair straight and a bob is classic. Well, eventually it started thinning again in the same spot. Not a relaxer this time… maybe hormones or stress? I went to the doctor and they couldn’t tell me anything other than stop putting heat on it.
So I finally went to the internet and low and behold there were blogs, You-Tube videos and websites dedicated to black hair in its natural state. Given what my options were (braids, wig, weave or natural), I opted to move forward with exploring my natural hair.
I felt like I was getting too old for braids. I did wear a wig for a while, but I actually grew to love my natural hair. My husband and son however hated it! My son said my hair looked crazy and my husband thought I was going through some kind of mid-life crisis. He just wanted me to get a weave and be through with it. He would give me the look like “what is going on with your hair?” He actually said just that a few times. Each time, I explained the issues and my options. He would respond with “can’t you just go get it done?”
Admittedly, I have had my share of bad hair days over the last year, but sometimes you just have to roll with it. I got to the point, that I kept a whole emergency stash of products and clips and headbands in my purse. Sadly, my husband mostly saw me at the end of the day, after my hour and a half drive home when my hands have been all through my head. So, yes my hair was frizzy and all over the place.
Now, my hair has grown out some and I’ve found what works for me. I’ve got my products, my style and my routine. I still have my share of bad hair days, but usually I can pin it up or pull it back so it is not too bad. Most importantly, I’ve finally gotten to the point that I love my hair and it has been a long journey.
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